i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
