My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
