I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
