Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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