the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
