I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
