oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
