There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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