you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
