This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
