And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize