Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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