mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
