Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
