nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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