Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
What a dumb baby whore.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
