No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize