i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
