they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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