you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
