yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
