Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
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