nut hugger
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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