Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I will pee on everything he values.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
