I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
My liver just had a heart attack.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
