YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I want her autograph on my taint
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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