i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
