tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
