I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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