i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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