i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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