you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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