WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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