Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
