Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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