Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
