hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
