In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
