got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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