my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
