Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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