I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize
