Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
