just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
