It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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