I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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