What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
