So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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