i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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