You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
