They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
