i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
My vagina just clenched in fear
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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