I'm so fucking centered right now
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
