I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
