In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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