If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
