I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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