I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i came on her dog
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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