billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
