What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
