dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
so much tequila, so little girl.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
