We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
