If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
