Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
