so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Randomize
