We're facebook friends in real life
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
