I just saw a hot homeless man
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
