i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
