I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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