never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
