At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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