is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
